And I Miss You
by housepotterNCIS
Summary: Zach is reluctant to move to England with Gibbs and Tony. Can anyone convince him to let go of his past? (Set in the "Parents With a Cause" universe, post "I Promise" and pre "Hungry Like the Wolf." Can be read as a stand-alone piece.)


**A/N: This is set in my "Parents With a Cause" universe, which you can read more about on my profile page. PLEASE REVIEW. Let me know what you like, or what you don't like. Let me know if you want to see more of these characters, or if there are certain other scenes/scenarios/characters from my universe that you want to see. But please review. I'll give you a cookie :)**

Zach was nervous about the move. He'd lived in DC his entire life, first with his biological father, and then later, after the man's death, with Gibbs and Tony. He'd been in Gibbs' house since he was six, living in the room upstairs that had at once time belonged to Gibbs' daughter. He'd helped Gibbs make boats in that basement and had watched movies with Tony in that living room for four and a half years. And once a month since he was six years old he'd sneak out of the house before the sun came up and walk the three blocks to the cemetery, and he'd kneel in front of his father's grave and ask his father if he was proud of Zach.

Zach never got an answer from his father. He didn't expect one. Still, after four years of doing the same thing in the same spot, the prospect of moving halfway around the world was daunting. Intimidating.

Tony was excited about the move. He hadn't grown up in England any more than Zach or Gibbs, but he had brothers living there. Zach didn't understand siblings—he'd never had a sibling or been a sibling—but Gibbs had, sitting on the edge of Zach's bed one night, explained to Zach that brothers were connected at their very core. And so of course Tony was excited to be near his again.

"Are you ready?" Tony asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "We're gonna floo over. Remy set up the connection already."

They'd been through that five times. Zach frowned and ran a hand over the top of his hair.

Gibbs' blue eyes were soft and concerned. He said, "Zach?"

Zach choked back his fears and uncertainties. He forced himself to smile. "I'm ready."

They flooed into a living room. It wasn't _their _living room—it wasn't the living room Zach had known for four years—but it was their couch, and their TV. The chair in the corner was Zach's chair—the first woodworking project he'd ever done alone, a crummy, half-crooked thing that Zach loved dearly.

"You okay?" Gibbs asked.

Tony looked at Zach, really looked at him, for the first time in weeks. Tony's eyes softened, and he knelt in front of Zach and brushed Zach's bangs away from his eyes. "Zach?"

Zach shook his head. He didn't know how to answer them—didn't know how to explain the bigness of the emotions he was feeling just then. He gestured around the room. It looked so much like the living room they'd just left, but it _wasn't. _It was larger, and cleaner, and didn't have the perpetual smell of sawdust and old pizza that their house had. And it was good—Zach knew that it was good—but he couldn't feel happy.

"Zach…" Tony moved his hand from Zach's head to Zach's shoulder. "Buddy. What's wrong?"

"I…" Zach swiped his hand across his nose and looked at the floor. "I miss my dad."

Tony's arms wrapped around him, and Zach tucked his head against Tony's strong shoulder. He felt miserable. He felt bad for bringing up his real father when Tony and Gibbs had been so great to him. He pulled away from Tony and shook his head. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry," Tony said. "We understand."

But how could they possibly understand?

Zach went to bed early that night, not to sleep but just to be alone. He went into the muggle version of his bedroom—the room he could show off if he ever invited muggle friends over—and he lay on his bed, staring up at glowing stars on his ceiling. He heard footsteps on the stairs. Expecting that it was Gibbs or Tony, Zach rolled over and faced the wall. He didn't want to see them.

He didn't want them to see him.

"Zach?" The voice that spoke to him from the entrance of the room was soft, like a whisper. Not like Gibbs' voice, or Tony's.

Zach rolled over. The man in the doorway was tall and lank. He had greasy hair and a hooked nose and he looked distinctly uncomfortable in the jeans and oxford shirt he was wearing. Zach frowned. "Uncle Sev? What are you doing here?"

Severus said, "Can I come in?"

Zach nodded. He sat up further, crossing his legs.

Severus turned the light on low. He crossed the room and sat across from Zach in Zach's desk chair. For a while, he just looked at Zach through those unfathomable black eyes. At long last, he licked his lower lip, and then he spoke. "You know I had a sister, Celia? Your Uncle Remus's wife. That's how your cousin got her name…"

Zach nodded. Nobody ever talked about Uncle Remus's late wife, and Zach had found out about her slowly over the years without ever quite knowing where he'd gotten his information from.

"Celia and I were twins," Severus said. "Up until she started dating Remus, we never spent a moment apart."

Zach nodded. "Dad says siblings are joined at the souls." Gibbs-Dad that time, not his biological father.

"It's not inaccurate," Severus said. "And with twins it can be even more pronounced. She meant quite literally everything to me. When she died, it was hard for me to move on. The only thing that kept me sane—the only connection I had to her—was the daughter she'd left behind. Young Celia."

"That's why you help Uncle Remus out with her," Zach said. It wasn't a question. Everyone in the family knew that Uncle Severus and Uncle Remus didn't like each other—that they only tolerated each other for Celia's sake.

Severus inclined his head. He said, "For a long time, all I saw when I looked at Celia was her mother. A young version of her mother. I couldn't see her as her own person. It was… it was perhaps an understandable part of my grieving process, but nonetheless it could not last. Celia is a beautiful, smart, funny, independent young girl of her own right, and she deserves to be treated as such."

Zach looked away. "If you're telling me that I need to appreciate Dad and Papa and not think about my biological dad… Just don't, okay? I already know that."

"That's not what I'm telling you," Severus said.

Zach looked at him sharply.

"It's okay to miss your biological father," Severus said. "It's normal. You _should _miss him; I'm sure he was a great guy."

"The best," Zach said.

Severus nodded. "Right. So miss him. Miss him every minute of every day. But don't put your life on hold because of him, okay? Don't think that if you just stand still and hold your breath you're going to get him back. You won't. And you'll miss so many great opportunities in the meantime—opportunities your father would have wanted you to have."

Zach raised an eyebrow. "Like moving to England?"

Severus smiled. "It's not so bad."

"No, it's not." Zach smiled. "I'll be able to hang out with Celia more. That'll be good."

"It will," Severus said. "And you'll go to Heigward in the fall and get a great education. And your dads and your uncles and I, we'll be able to be there every step of the way."

Zach nodded. "Okay."

Severus stood up and started to leave.

"Uncle Sev?" Zach called when the man was almost to the door.

Severus turned around and raised an eyebrow at the boy.

"Do you still miss her?" Zach asked. "Your sister, I mean."

Severus was silent a moment, and then he nodded. "Every minute of every day."


End file.
